


If You'll Be Waiting

by meandminniemcg



Series: To Munich and Back [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But lost his memory, Demiromantic Remus Lupin, Germany, Lots of memories, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Memories, Nonbinary Tonks, Remus Lupin Lives, Road trip with Harry, Sirius Black Lives, The Wolf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22805761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meandminniemcg/pseuds/meandminniemcg
Summary: Remus gets the Information that Sirius is probably still alive. He goes on a road trip to Germany with Harry to find him.
Relationships: Nymphadora Tonks/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, minor draco malfoy/harry potter - Relationship, past Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks - Relationship
Series: To Munich and Back [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869025
Comments: 46
Kudos: 90
Collections: Remus Lupin Fest 2020





	1. Full Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my awesome beta A. and to my friends, especially P, who discussed lots and lots of magical theory with me.  
> In this fic, I mention the term "Alpha". It isn't meant in an ABO kind of sense, but I use it as a technical term for the members of a wolf pack who get to be biological parents. It's part of the wolf's mentality, but doesn't indicate any character traits or power dynamics, just the fact of having children.

_The wolf got up to examine his territory. The wind smelled of security and calmness and told him his pup had been here some time ago. But at this time, the pup would be fast asleep, too young to take a nighttime stroll with him and Shaggy Lynx._

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_Shaggy Lynx who had been the Pack’s pup before, but was now old enough to find a mate for himself greeted him with enthusiastic purrs. He was the son of Pack brother with antlers and his mate Red._

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_Pack brother with antlers and Red, the former alpha couple would never come again if the wolf called out for them, the wolf had stopped calling out for them moons and moons ago, and he was an alpha in his own right by now, but he would always keep calling out for his own Mate. He had seen his Mate fall through the Veil, but his heart refused to believe that he would never see his Mate’s gloriously shaggy black fur again or smell his intoxicating scent, the best scent the wolf had ever smelled._

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_The wolf strolled at a sedate pace around the plants, left a few scent marks on trees, and called out for his Mate. As in all the moons since the Mate had fallen through the Veil, there was no reply. There was just Shaggy lynx who made soothing sounds and rubbed his head against the wolf’s side. The wolf smelled that Shaggy lynx felt the sadness too, was also missing the wolf’s mate painfully. They both and the wolf’s pup were all that was left of what should have been the wolf’s happy pack._

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_After another hour of strolling around, the wolf curled up between the roots of a tree, and Shaggy lynx sat down beside him and purred softly until the wolf drifted into a dreamless sleep._

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A groan beside him woke Harry up. As usual, he turned in a way to see Remus’ face first. Only when Remus whispered “Okay,” to express that he had accioed a towel and covered his crotch, did Harry start examining Remus for injuries.

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By now it had developed into a routine; Harry had become an Animagus about one year after the War, and now, four years later, Harry only needed to summon a healer at particularly bad full moons. He knew all post-full-moon diagnostic and routine healing spells as well as the healers at St. Mungo’s did, so he would only have to take Remus to St. Mungo’s if anything out of the ordinary were to happen.

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Harry applied dittany salve to Remus’ arms and legs and levitated him carefully to his bed and watched over him until the older man had fallen asleep. Then, Harry conjured his Patronus, told it to keep watch over Remus and went to his study.

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He firecalled Surya Patil, Remus’ healer, “Everything is normal, all diagnostics are good.”

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“I’ve received the duplicate. Thank you, Mr. Potter. It’s rare that someone who is neither a spouse nor a blood relative takes such good care of a lycanthropy patient,” the healer said in a tone that made Harry slightly uncomfortable, as it reeked of hero worship.

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“Remus is my second godfather, due to his lycanthropy he wasn’t allowed to be that officially, but unofficially he is.” In fact, when Harry had gone to Godric’s Hollow again after the War, he had found his mother’s diary and learned that his first word after Mama and Dada had in fact been, Moo’ey, a week before the more difficult Pafoo. He had read how Remus would sing for him for hours before the Potters had to go into hiding.

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Also, as much as he loved the Weasleys, he considered Remus more his family than Molly, who tried to persuade Ginny to get back with him, even though both had told her over and over that this wasn’t ever going to happen. Ginny was dating Luna and was happy with her.

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Harry started with his job; he was working home office, as he would do every post-full moon day. He had not become an Auror, but was the founder and chairman of Magic of Diversity an umbrella organization for different associations and foundations dedicated to making wizarding Britain more inclusive. It had been Remus’ idea when Harry had been unable to decide which one of different associations and foundations to dedicate his time to, when some of his friends founded them. There was Remus’ FILP (Foundation for the Inclusion of Lycanthropy Patients), Ron and Hermione’s E4AMB (Equality 4 All Magical Beings) – dedicated to equal rights for house elves and goblins and named by Ron, Dean and Seamus’ LILA (Love is Love Association), Charlie’s WWAuAD (Wix with Autism or ADHD; Harry had ADHD himself) – founded after Charlie had returned from Romania to share the job of COMC teacher with Hagrid, or Dennis Creevey and Neville’s Muggleborn and Pureblood Dialogue Centre. The other three organizations currently under the umbrella of Magic of Diversity were Tonks’ NTHEY (Nonbinary and Trans Humans: Emerging You), and Mrs. Figgs’ Squibs In Wizarding Britain.

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Remus had been elected chairman of Magic of Diversity, and Harry had found himself in the role of a director of administration, but to his surprise, he loved it, as the associations did their own paperwork, and he made sure they all had a comfortable place in Grimmauld Place, which adapted to their needs and coordinated conference rooms and events.

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And he ran a café with the help of Draco Malfoy, for whom the job was part of his probation.

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But today, Harry calculated catering and made spellphone calls from home, the renovated Lupin Cottage, where Remus had given him the two rooms above his own study and Teddy's room, where the boy stayed every other week. It was what both Harry and Remus needed: Just to go out of the door and have someone who cared. Maybe, Harry thought, this was a bit like having a father.

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The Floo roared to life, and Harry hurried to it. “Harry, is Remus awake?” That was Minerva McGonagall, sounding untypically excited.

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“No, he’s still asleep. Can I help you?”

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“Poppy found something interesting in a medical magazine. Something you and Remus have to see.” She almost bounced with excitement, a state in which probably no Hogwarts alumnus had ever seen the headmistress.

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“Have they discovered a cure for lycanthropy?”

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She shook her head, but still beamed at him. “No, but there is hope Sirius might be alive.”

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	2. Can this be real?

When Remus woke up, he felt that the energy of the house had shifted. He drifted into consciousness, and Harry’s steps didn’t sound like his usual slightly sad ones, they sounded quite like James’ steps used to sound. Remus wanted to reject the observation; such observations weren’t human observations; it was the wolf that was still close to the surface. But in the end, his curiosity was stronger than the repulsion he felt for the wolf.

He looked to his bedside, and as usual, Harry’s Patronus sat there, waiting patiently.

“Hey, let Harry know I’m awake, will you?” While speaking, Remus noticed that the Patronus looked much more radiant than he had ever seen it.

The knock at the door came faster than Remus had expected. Harry’s face looked happier than it had been after the first time he had turned into Prowler and back.

“You look like the cat that got the cream,” Remus stated.

“Maybe I’m crazy, but look at this article. I think it’s Sirius, it must be Sirius…” He handed Remus the magazine.

> **Portal induced Amnesia – How to treat what you can’t figure out**  
>  Harry Remus sits at a table in the Munich restaurant where he works as a waiter. He is most likely in his forties and wears his black hair long. As he leans forward, a tattoo peeks out from under his collar. His German has a slight British accent, and he gestures vividly.
> 
> “Harry Remus isn’t really my name,” he says. “These two names are all I remember of my life before I fell out of the portal under Isartor, one of Munich’s old city gates.” While Remus doesn’t remember the details of his life before falling out of the portal, he is still very much in control of his strong magic, both with a wand and wandless. This is rather untypical of a wizard with amnesia not caused by a normal ‘Obliviate’.
> 
> His case did make it to the Ministry of Magic, and the German Minister Neubauer asked Minister Thicknesse in 1997, if any wizard with this description might have gone missing. Thicknesse replied with a no, which seems strange, as Remus is adept at wandless spells typical for Aurors.
> 
> Due to his amnesia, an anxiety disorder and claustrophobia, Remus is regularly treated as an outpatient at Heiliggeist-Spital, Munich. Treatment is difficult if the core of the matter is out of reach, and memory could only be brought back by people he loved before the portal incident, as precedent cases show.
> 
> In 1924, the 20-year-old Wiszlawa Kaminska fell through a portal in Krakow, and wound up in Paris. She had forgotten almost all the details of her life, until she was reunited with her brother in 1928. After recognizing him, her memory returned to her gradually. An Unspeakable from Verona, Italy who had been found in Switzerland after falling through a portal in 1961 remembered all his biography immediately after being reunited with his wife in Zürich. Some say it was the nature of their relationship while some romantics believe, that true love’s kiss brought the memory back much faster. …

  
“Merlin and Morgana! This must be Sirius!” Remus stood on his feet, and only Harry’s quick reaction prevented him from keeling over.

“Remus, I’m just as eager to see him again as you. But you still need today to recover and drink your healing potions. I’ll talk to Kingsley and Surya, to get everything prepared from here, and contact Heiliggeist-Spital, to let them know we are coming, and as soon as you are healed, we can travel to Munich. You want to be strong for Sirius.” Harry’s gestures were an imitation of Professor McGonagall, but his tone and his mimic looked so much like Lily at that moment.

“Okay, but can you at least bring me the books on translation charms and Wizarding Germany? I want to do something to prepare us for our journey.” Remus still felt the urge to get up and do something, anything to get going to Munich. _Pull yourself together. Remember how you were in the old days at school, you didn’t have ants in your pants like Sirius and James. Fuck it! In the old days, I saw Sirius every day. Still, you’re older! But I haven’t seen him in years, and he’s my Mate!_

Remus kept struggling to stay in bed. He even considered to ask Harry to cast a body bind on him, so he would manage to stay in bed and not endanger his post-full-moon healing process. The wolfsbane injections could prevent him from harming himself or others in his wolf form, but they did nothing about the injuries caused by the transformation. Werewolf transformations were different from Animagus transformations.

He had tried doing the Animagus meditation, when he had heard of someone’s Animagus form helping her as an in-between step in Canada, but the woman’s form had been a collie, his form, a magpie, didn’t help him at all.

  
Finally, Harry came back with Surya in tow.

“I heard you have travel plans?” The healer asked while starting the scans with their willow wand.

“Yes, Harry and I have some business to do in Germany.” Remus trusted Surya with his health, but he wasn’t sure how they would react if he told them about Sirius. While the truth about Sirius was a known fact now, and Sirius didn’t have to fear being attacked, it might have the same results if he were to come back, and the first thing he was going to see in Britain were a bunch of paparazzi.

“Look at this pattern. You managed the transformation very well, but do you see those orange spots here? That’s the residue from the curses you took during the Battle of Hogwarts. You were lucky the boy cast an Illusio mortis on you. It stopped them from spreading and killing you. But they didn’t vanish as we hoped for. So international Portkeys, Apparating and travelling by Airplane are still dangerous for you. I’m sorry, but you can only travel by car, train and ferry if you don’t want to endanger your life. Flying higher than the treetops is forbidden.”

“You know that I left it at the meditation when I found out that it wouldn’t help me during the full moon.” Remus muttered.

“Unfortunately. But you could do the rest of it any time.” Surya gave him a concerned look.

“Maybe one day, when I have some time to spare for it.” _Maybe if Sirius is there and sees me do it._


	3. A Day At The Races

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all have probably guessed, this chapter is named after the Queen album.

It took them only two days to get everything prepared and to make sure that their absence for two weeks would not cause trouble to their colleagues. Lavender Brown was going to step in for Remus’ absence, and Harry could rely on Draco to help Arthur, Hermione, Ron, Dean, Parvati, Bill and Angelina to divide his obligations according to their respective talents. Neither Harry nor Remus had expected to have such invaluable help in the former Slytherin, when Harry had given him the chance to work for him during his probation after a year of house arrest. It had been a way to expose Draco and Pansy to the plight of those who had suffered during the war for a year to make them aware of the harm they had caused, and ended in Draco dedicating himself fully to Magic of Diversity, and in Pansy being a journalist whose sharp quill fought for the rights of minorities and forced laws and policies to become more inclusive.

  
So they both started by five o’clock in the morning in Harry’s blue Vauxhall Astra. Harry drove for the first hour, while Remus drank his coffee from a thermos. They both agreed easily on playing _A Day At the Races_. When _You Take My Breath Away_ played on the stereo, Remus saw Harry mouthing the words with a dreamy look in his eyes. A look similar to the one James used to have whenever he was gushing about Lily.

“You fancy someone, Prowls,” Remus stated, then cringed. He wasn’t Harry’s father; would Harry accept such a fatherly approach from him?

“Well, I think so, but … I don’t think I’ll… It’s not so easy. Love is not really something for me.” Harry looked uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable.

“Sorry if I overstepped. I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk about it.” Remus tried to reassure Harry.

“Fucking idiot in that SUV! Did you have vodka for breakfast?” Harry yelled as a car from the right lane drove slightly over the line, then calmed his voice again. “Remus, you didn’t overstep. I just- people want a saviour, but nobody wants a Harry with all the PTSD and being slightly chaotic and needy.”

“Needy? You are the least needy person I have ever met. You literally apologize if you ask somebody to pass the salt at the table.” Remus said with a sad look. Fucking Petunia and Vernon! What had they done to Harry, so that he didn’t even understand that needing something from others was not the same as being needy.

“Sounds like you.” Harry retorted, then focussed on making a lane free for an ambulance. They fell into silence, as the traffic increased. Remus looked through the window and thought that Harry was right, and maybe it was beacause both of their the formative years had been consumed with danger and the pressure to keep others safe. For Harry to keep them safe by fighting Voldemort and for Remus by keeping them at a safe distance, although Sirius, James and Peter figured it out and became Animagi for him. But keeping people away and hiding his lycanthropy was also more responsibility than anyone should have and especially in those years of youth.

When _Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy_ played, he thought of how Sirius used to sing it to him, enchanting random objects like inkwells, James’ Snitch or ties and shoes to play the backing instruments and vocals and doing a silly, but absolutely endearing dance. He felt like crying and chuckling at the same time.

“Everything okay, Remus?” Harry asked.

“Sirius used to sing this song for me. We weren’t dating back then, and I used to think he was rehearsing to woo some girl with it. Or maybe some other bloke. I kind of suspected already that he wasn’t entirely straight. James would tell me that Sirius fancied me, but I thought he had to be kidding. I was an introverted fucking werewolf with pimples on my face in those days, and Sirius was the life of every party, he had that gorgeous hair, those perfect cheekbones and all those muscles from playing Quidditch. And his…” Was it appropriate at all to talk to somebody about their godfather’s arse? Better not risk it. _Merlin! I hope at the end of this journey I’ll see Sirius again. And I hope he didn’t find somebody else in Germany. There are so many handsome blokes, why would he wait for me if he doesn’t even remember anything. If he knows that the name Remus used to mean something to him, but my face and all connections with my name are gone?_

“But Sirius chose you.” Harry stated as he drove onto the motorway.

“I hope he’ll choose me again. I’m looking old.” Remus sighed. Sirius was the only one he had ever had romantic feelings for, and he was sure they would last for the rest of his life.

“He aged the same number of years.” Harry said, reminding Remus so much of Lily this time.

Remus thought back to his seventh year, how James and Lily had started dating. Remus had been glad that it was Lily James loved. As good as James had been at keeping the Marauders’ secrets from everyone else, for Lily he had been an open book. And Lily had figured out Remus’ lycanthropy by third year anyway. She had pulled him into an empty corner one day before the full moon.

  
_**Third year**_

_“Tell me if you need sanitary pads or tampons.” She whispered. “I’ll help and I’ll keep your secret.”_

_“Sanitary-what?” Remus exclaimed. What the hell was she talking about?_

_“You’re out of class every single full moon. If you’re not a werewolf, you’re trans,” she explained, then gasped, as she saw the shock in his eyes. “Oh, shit, you’re a werewolf! Sorry. I really put my foot in my mouth.”_

_Remus wanted to run away, but he was frozen to the spot. He heard the blood hammering in his ears and gasped for breath._

_“Remus, it’s okay. Your secret is safe with me. You’re only dangerous one night a month, and during that time Madam Pomfrey leads you somewhere safe anyway. Don’t worry, I’m your friend. Can I hug you?”_

_Remus had wondered why she would do something like that, but he found himself nodding. Lily hugged him and let him cry on her shoulder for a long time._

_“Why did you think I was trans?” he asked her a few days later in the library._

_“I know that there are some trans students at Hogwarts. And I thought, it may be embarrassing if your parents send you tampons. But you don’t need them.”_

_“I don’t. I just need friends who keep my secrets.” Remus mumbled._

_“I’ll tell you a secret, too. I liked the last prank James and Sirius played on the Slytherins. Making them sing_ The Bristles of the Broom go whoosh-whoosh-whoosh all through the sky _at the tops of their voices every time they wanted to say ‘mudblood’ was awesome. And their faces!” She burst into contagious laughter._


	4. Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a brief nausea reference. If that triggers you, please skip the italics.

Remus stared into the water, and the memory made him tense up. He had crossed the North Sea by ferry once before, at one of the darkest times of his life, that was even darker than the first months after having been bitten. The oily, salty smell of the ferry carried him back to that time when he had travelled to France in November 1981, when it had taken all of his self-control not to give up or start taking illegal potions. That time he had lost all: his best friends were dead, his beloved in Azkaban for a crime Remus couldn’t believe he had committed.

Only a tiny voice in his head had kept him alive, even though he was not sure that he would ever hear that voice in reality again. He had gone to France and worked for an elderly Squib who had inherited a wizarding bookshop. He had gotten a bed and food, clothes, and the opportunity to read but then the Squib had died, and Remus had returned to Britain.

“Remus, are you okay? You look pained.” Harry’s voice sounded like James’ used to, and no matter what people would say because of his skin tone and hair, Harry’s facial expression looked like a masculine version of Lily’s.

“I hate ferries. They bring up bad memories with their stench.” Remus tried to sound casual, as if he were just moody, but he knew that Harry wouldn’t buy it. Just like his parents wouldn’t have.

“Bad memories? A certain wise man once told me the best way to face bad memories is to have someone you trust remind you that they are in the past and what used to be a big gaping wound is just a small scar now.” Harry put his hand on Remus’ shoulder and shielded him from view.

“Wise? I’m not wise, never was.” Remus gave Harry a weak smile.

“Oh, what do you call teaching me how to face boggarts and dementors and win? Being the most competent DADA teacher and on the other hand, telling me why I would make myself unhappy by becoming an Auror.”

“It’s easy to give advice to others, so much easier than to apply wisdom in one’s own life.” Remus looked at the water. When Harry didn’t show any sign of dropping the topic, Remus continued: “After Voldemort had killed your parents and Sirius was in Azkaban, I tried to talk to Dumbledore and to ask him to use his influence to help Sirius. But Dumbledore didn’t want to hear of it. He told me that Sirius had no chance, and that as much as Lily and James had the best intentions with letting me be an additional parental figure, the Ministry would never accept it, and if I were to try to get custody of you, I would never get a chance and you might get into the wrong hands. Dumbledore practically forced me out of your life.”

This was just the tip of the iceberg. When Remus had tried to reason with Dumbledore that Sirius had the right to get a fair trial, and that he had the proof that it could not have been Sirius the headmaster had given him an icy look and said: “He did it, and if you don’t stop defending him, people will assume you were his accomplice and have you put down. Have a cuppa with me, and then we’ll discuss how to find a solution.”

Remus hadn’t remembered the aggressive tone Dumbledore had used, nor him raising his wand when Remus had begged him to have Professor McGonagall or the Weasleys raise Harry, but please not the Dursleys. The memory didn’t come back until the headmaster was dead.

Remus’ mindhealer had later detected remnants of a _Lino Agape_ , an obliviation-related curse blocking the memory of people he knew feeling selfless platonic love for each other in his mind. After forty long sessions with memory-healing charms, Muggle psychotherapy and even Legilimency, Remus had remembered what had been lost, that Dumbledore had blocked the memory of Lily and Harry being taken back from the St. Mungo’s maternity ward and him and Sirius bonding themselves to Harry with the Parentes Additionales bond that transcends ordinary godparentship, and cannot be broken. Only after Dumbledore’s death Remus remembered how it had really been. He had been able to push the memory aside because of the war, but after the war, he had visited Minerva, and there, Dumbledore was in one of the picture frames…

_“Remus, my lad how was the last full moon?” The headmaster looked over his halfmoon glasses as if he expected Remus to answer like a naïve first year._

_“Fan-fucking-tastic. I locked myself up in a fucking cellar and howled for Sirius all godric-forsaken night. My voice sounded like thestral shit for three Merlin-damned days! Harry needs an antidepressant potion, and he had a panic attack yesterday, when the lightbulb in a Muggle elevator dimmed.”_

_“You both did your part for the greater good. And now he can make a career with the Aurors, and I think defeating Voldemort could help him to even become Minister of Magic. And you have your pretty little wife and can have fun with her.” Dumbledore winked out of his picture frame as if he was going to offer Remus one of his vile lime sherbets._

_Remus felt his anger like a heavy lump in his stomach, and then it rose like bile through him, just not out of his throat but out of his wand hand. An angry red outburst of magic flew towards the portrait and slashed the canvas apart. Dumbledore dodged it, but had to squeeze and contort himself on the rest of the canvas. He stood on his left leg, his right leg lifted up like a ballerina, while his left arm awkwardly and precariously tried to hold on to the frame. He tried to squeeze his right arm through a narrow space where the canvas was complete without toppling over. His glasses were askew and his hat was split in half._

_Remus heard steps on the stairs and tried to quickly Reparo the canvas, to no avail. Dumbledore gasped with the strain of his position. “Remus, I’ve found the book.” Minerva opened the door._

_“I – I’m sorry. I didn’t want that.” Remus felt like he had as a first year._

_“Oh, was it for Sirius or for Harry that you became this angry? Take a biscuit, Remus.” Unlike Dumbledore offering lime sherbets for distraction, when Minerva offered someone a biscuit, it was a sign she was lowkey on your side and wished she didn’t have to be in a position of authority at that moment._

_“Albus, I’m afraid, you have to stay in this position until Mr. Macmillan has time for you. Remus, will you go on a round of the castle with me?”_

_When they were out of earshot from all portraits, Minerva asked again. “Was it for Sirius or for Harry?”_

_“For both, and for myself. He used all of us as mere chess pieces.” Remus nearly screamed._

_“I know. I wanted to adopt Harry, but Albus blackmailed me, too. He knew that I had been an unregistered Animagus for three years before I got a chance to pretend to start the Animagus process. And he also knew that I sneaked better quality ingredients and parchments with advice in your bags after catching you nearly endangering yourselves with the ingredients you were capable of getting yourselves. Believe me, I wanted to adopt Harry. And I wanted to speak for Sirius. By the way, I had just become an Animagus because I had a heartache and was bored. I was proud of Sirius and James because they wanted to be Animagi to help you.”_


	5. Chapter 5

They checked in at a bed and breakfast in wizarding Wittlich, sharing one room with twin beds. As soon as they had levitated their luggage into their rooms, Harry pulled out his spellphone and made a call. “Hi, Draco? Everything okay at Diversity? – I know you can manage everything, you’re the best, I just wanted to hear your, erm, wanted to make sure because I had to go away so suddenly, I didn’t cause damage. You know, I want to be reliable.” Harry blushed.

“No, we’re not in Munich yet,” he continued. “We are in Wittlich, that’s close to the border between Belgium and Germany. Driving for 11 hours is simply too much for one day. I could imagine better ways of getting a pain in the arse than to sit on it for that long. … Did they really? If those people weren’t such lycanthropophobic gits, I’d almost pity them. Almost. … Yeah, Hermione and Pansy are the best. Wish I had seen it. … You’ll show me the memory? I love you. …Hi, Silky. … Yeah, I understand. It’s okay. Greet your mother for me. … Have a nice evening. Bye.”

Harry sat there for a little while with a dreamy expression on his face. Finally, he muttered: “I wish I could tell him I love him without making it sound like a dramatic way of saying thank you.”

“You fancy him.” Remus stated.

“Yes, but it doesn’t make any difference. Because why would he love me? I’m not the hero people look for, and why would anyone want ordinary me?” Harry’s sad look made Remus want to cry or revive Dumbledore just to kill him again. Harry was the son of James, of confident, optimistic James, for fuck’s sake! Harry had given up so much for others, and now he didn’t even have hope to be loved back by someone.

“Harry, I think he’s very likely to fancy you back. You should really give it a try.” Remus said encouragingly.

“But, if he doesn’t it would be sexual harassment in the workplace. I can’t harass him. Also, having him as a friend is better than not having him at all. I mean, he’s the last person to see anything heroic in me. He knows how socially awkward I can be, he edits my speeches, he knows exactly how cringey they are. Also, he knows how lost I am even at buying clothes that fit me.” Harry leaned forward, resting his face in his hands.

Remus put one hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Prowls, I know, love can be intimidating. I had this feeling too, that Sirius was completely out of my league with his sex on legs look. You should have seen him before his time in Azkaban. And at first, he dated girls, but they never made it to a second date. People used to consider him a womanizer, but one day in the dorm he confessed to us that he just couldn’t feel for a girl that way, that he was obviously completely gay. That was in sixth year. I thought he might fancy James, or Frank Longbottom, who was a year ahead of us and looked hot. Or maybe have a crush on one of the Prewett brothers, our Apparation instructors. But I didn’t ask. I also didn’t see myself as someone who might ever have a relationship with anyone. I couldn’t hope for someone apart from my fellow Marauders and Lily to accept me with my lycanthropy, and I thought it was weird to never be seen topless once it got beyond casual. And I wasn’t old enough for casual at Hogwarts. Also, my dad had taught me that Lupins have a very low sex drive, and that I should be grateful for that and not seek any relationship with anyone.”

“Why did your father say such a thing to you? This is not in the same league as what the Dursleys said to me, but did he not think of you deserving happiness?” Harry said angrily.

“He never considered the possibility of someone knowing about my lycanthropy and still giving me a chance. And he believed that all Lupins had a low sex drive, as I found out when I looked through my parents’ belongings after their deaths. It was cringy to read about their sex life and about what he discussed with his brother, my uncle Lloyd. Dad loved me, but he couldn’t imagine that someone would let me get that close knowing that I’m a werewolf. And that it would be unforgivable to deceive someone until after the wedding. So, he believed that there was no chance for a happy relationship for me, just a risk of great heartache. His advice was well-meant but damaging nonetheless.” Remus remembered how overjoyed his father had been when Sirius and he had gotten together. Lyall had known that Sirius had been aware of Remus’ lycanthropy since second year.

“As I said, I didn’t believe love was a possibility for me, I interpreted all the things Sirius did as platonic, telling James he was daft when he would point out that Sirius wasn’t in general very tactile, just with me. That yes, he would drape an arm around Peter and him, but had I ever seen him get into one of their beds at night to cuddle after a nightmare? Jump up to offer someone a chair and sit on one of their laps, even though there were five unoccupied chairs in the room? Serenade them with love songs? But I couldn’t believe it, until one day, Sirius summoned all his courage and told me in seventh year. For years, I expected him to get bored with me; I wasn’t exactly the same kind of thrill-seeker as he was. Also, he always tended to get bored easily, but he never found me boring. If I would read for hours, he would beg me to read aloud, or brag to James how clever I am, and that he was so lucky I didn’t end up in Ravenclaw. After his escape from Azkaban, I expected him to hold a grudge against me for not helping him, but he just whispered in my ear that he had missed me. It didn’t take long until we were together again, even though we just had stolen moments.” Remus stopped. He didn’t want to think of how it had ended.

And even though he tried to be confident, he was also scared. What if Sirius had found someone new? After all, if they were correct and it was Sirius, then he had no memory of his former life, and therefore no memory of Remus. Or what if Sirius wouldn’t remember that most lycanthropy patients weren’t evil?

“Remus? Is everything okay?” Harry asked.

“Sirius might not remember me, or he might have someone else. Or he might think I’m evil.” Remus sighed.

“Or he might be just happy to be reunited with you.” Harry replied confidently.

“Either I’ll get him back – whether as my lover or as my friend – or I’ll get closure.” Remus said firmly.


	6. Mini-Marauder

The man who had been talking to his ex-wife and his child through the Floo had just gone away, when the hotel’s Floo roared to life again.

“Hello, hello,” a child’s voice called out. A receptionist, whose name tag said Laura Müller, stooped down and answered. “Hallo, du. Kann ich dir helfen?”

“I don’t understand. Can you ask my Dad to come back? I forgot something.” The boy’s hair colour changed in intricate patterns. He had to be nervous about something. Laura knew nervous Metamorphmagi; her half-sister was one as well.

“Wait a moment, please.” She walked towards the lift.

At that moment, the boy stepped through.

  
Remus had just returned to the hotel room to get his things and check out after breakfast and a Floo call to Tonks, Teddy and Gülseren, Tonks’ wife. Harry was buying some snacks, because they didn’t want to depend too much on the Autobahn restaurants.

A knock on the door interrupted him. He opened. A receptionist stood outside.

“Your son asks you to come back to the Floo. He said that he forgot something.”

“Okay.” Remus left his luggage behind for the moment and followed the woman.

As they stepped out of the elevator, the first thing he saw was Teddy, his hair even messier than Harry’s and changing colour as if a tv image was projected on them. “DAAAAAD! I want to pick Pa Pads, too!”

“Do your Renny and your Mommy know you are here?” Remus inquired, while squatting down to hug his son.

“No. They think I’m just talking to you a bit longer,” Teddy mumbled sheepishly.

Remus tried not to smile. He had to be an adult and show Teddy that this was wrong, that he was scaring Tonks and Gülseren. But inside, he wanted to chuckle because his son was already a proper Mini-Marauder.

“They will worry about you when they come back into the sitting room and you’re not there. Also, I believe that coming with us will be rather boring. We will drive for hours today. And I didn’t bring any toys with me.” Remus reasoned with Teddy, before paying the one florin the Floo powder for a firecall cost.

He threw the Floo Powder into the flame and called out “Tonks cottage!”

The first thing he heard was Gülseren’s panicked voice “Teddyyy! Where are you? It’s not funny to hide when we want to go to the cinema!” “Gülseren! He’s here. That little sprite just made sure the Floo connection stayed open and stepped through when nobody noticed,” Remus called out.

“Tonks! He stepped through the Floo!” Gülseren’s voice was higher than normal, revealing how upset she was.

“He did what?” Tonks said in an exasperated tone in the background, then Gülseren shifted a little, and Tonks plunged down beside her.

Teddy piped up: “Sorry, Renny. You and Dad told me so much about Pa Pads, I can’t wait to meet him for real. It’s Pa Pads. He can turn into a dog.”

“And I can turn my nose into a beak.”

“Renny, I’ll learn that, too, but Pa Pads can turn into a DOG! If I’m big enough to be an Amagus, I don’t know if I can be a dog. I might also be a boring sloth or a bad-tempered ladybird.” Teddy’s tone revealed that he doubted the grownups’ reason.

Tonks sighed and rolled her eyes, looking away from Teddy, so only Remus could see what they were doing. “What shall we do with Teddy?”

“Maybe we should just let him go with us. He will see that the journey isn’t half as cool as it seems, we still have over six hours of driving ahead of us until we arrive in Munich.” Remus suggested.

“You mean the ‘Be careful with what you wish for, it might come true-treatment?’ Might work.” Gülseren replied, wrapping a strand of her chocolate brown curls around her finger, as she would often do when she was considering something.

“Seems, good boys go to the cinema, and Mini-Marauders have to sit in a car for hours and go to Munich.” Tonks summarized. They picked up a few toys from the sofa and the coffee table, transfigured a Kleenex into a bag, packed them inside and added. “When you Floo call in the evening, I’ll have a bag with clothes ready.”

They ended the Floo call, went upstairs to pick Remus’ bag and checked out.

Remus was glad that they had forgotten to unpack the child seat. He didn’t want to drive on a motorway with Teddy in a transfigured child seat.

As they arrived at the car, Teddy tore open the driver’s seat door. “Uncle Harry, Uncle Harry!” Morphing himself small, he climbed on Harry’s lap and hugged him.

“Hey, Mini-Marauder, what are you doing here?” Harry chuckled.

“I must see Pa Pads! Did you know that he can turn into a dog? Isn’t that the coolest thing ever?” Teddy fidgeted and sat on the horn for a moment, just to jump up, when it blared. “Sorry, Uncle Harry.”

“I thought it’s the coolest thing ever that I can turn into a lynx?” Harry chuckled.

“It’s one of the coolest things, but a lynx is related to cats, and Lenny is allergic to cats. So, Lenny and I can’t play with your Amagus form together.” Teddy stroked Harry’s shoulder apologetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renny is a short form for parent, a gender-neutral equivalent to mum and dad.


	7. And my dreams come true

The drive to Munich with Teddy was easier than Remus had thought. The boy was fascinated by traveling in a real Muggle car instead of Flooing. Furthermore, he had his first bout of accidental magic making one of his favourite plushies dance to the music on the car stereo singing along to Bicycle Race and demanding five repeats, until Harry conjured the visor to show the text of Finn Family Moomintroll, and the back of Remus’ headrest to show the illustrations. Then he read the story to Teddy, until the little boy fell asleep.

They spent the night in a small wizarding hotel in Munich-Ramersdorf, taking two rooms this time. Remus got persuaded by Harry’s optimism to have Teddy sleep in Harry’s room. In the morning, he wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad choice. He hadn’t slept much and wondered if he would have been lying awake in the dark instead of reading, or if falling asleep would have been easier with the steady breath of a sleeping Teddy.

  
However, after a rich breakfast with lots of coffee, they Flooed to Heilig-Geist-Spital, directly to the office of Dr. Verena Augspurg. She was a woman in her fifties with short brown hair, and blue eyes behind angular glasses.

“Mr. Lupin and Mr. Potter, I assume? Welcome to Munich. Oh, and who is this dashing young man?” She turned to Teddy, who gave her a shy look, held on a little tighter to Remus’ hand, but then summoned his courage and spoke up.

“I’m Teddy, and I want to meet my Pa Pads.”

“I think you will have to wait a little. And first, your Dad has to make sure that it is really your Pa Pads. Would you like to colour a little, although I think I only have Ballet colouring pictures, because my niece loves them.”

“Ballet? My Cousin Draco did ballet when he was a kid. I like looking at the pictures. It’s beautiful. Please, can I colour some ballet pictures?” Teddy spoke fast with excitement.

Remus looked over to Harry and could tell that Harry’s imagination went a mile a minute picturing Draco dancing.

Meanwhile Dr. Augspurg had given Teddy a colouring book and crayons and sat back down

“So, this is the proper procedure: In half an hour the potential Mr. Black, whom we dubbed Harry Remus, because that’s what he screamed as he fell out of the portal, has his appointment. We prepared him to have a meeting with someone who wants to try a hypothesis on how to restore his memory. I believe it is better to have him meet you both separately, because if his memory returns, it will be easier on him to handle the onslaught of memories more gradually. I’d recommend that you, Mr. Potter take Teddy to the Magisches Museum, they have a very nice children’s department, while Mr. Lupin meets my patient. Then, if he is Mr. Black and his memory comes back, Mr. Potter can join you in the afternoon. I will arrange for my niece to visit me here, so Teddy will have someone to play with.”

Both men agreed, and Dr. Augspurg gave Harry the directions of how to get to the Magisches Museum, and they left the hospital. Remus fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt, pulling at a loose thread. Dr. Augspurg briefed Remus on how to behave towards Sirius. “Don’t give him information immediately. Greet him and ask him how he is. Don’t introduce yourself, and don’t hint at who you are before we have seen if his memory comes back. If it isn’t him, don’t show disappointment. But in that case, you can introduce yourself and tell your story without risk. If it is Mr. Black, it would be very helpful for him if his memory came back at least partly by itself. Because then it’s not more than he can handle at a time.”

A knock at the door interrupted them. A young mediwizard with auburn hair entered, and announced “Herr Remus wartet in Behandlungszimmer 2.” The translation charm repeated in a house elf voice “Mr. Remus is waiting in Treatment room 2.”

_Shite! My magic gets all wonky with nerves. At least it’s only the pitch of the voice that gets influenced by my nerves, not the translation itself. It wouldn’t help me if it translated into Estonian._

Remus followed the mediwizard to Room 2. The mediwizard beckoned to him, and Remus opened the door.

The man inside was Sirius, it was beyond a shadow of a doubt. But Remus had never expected him to look like this. Had he so far believed that Sirius was most handsome just after Hogwarts, he had been wrong. Sirius had never been more handsome. A small grey streak in his hair made the black of the rest of them even more glorious, and Sirius’ gaze was relaxed, like Remus had never seen it before, it was the gaze of a man who wasn’t reckoning with bad news at any given moment or surrounded by reminders of his emotional trauma. Remus cast a mild wandless pinching hex at his thigh to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Ow, yes it’s really him. But what if he doesn’t recognize me, or found someone better?

Sirius perked up. “Hallo, Herr Dokt-” He gasped. “Wait, I know you. Your name is Moonpie and you’re fucking Sirius. Er, I’m Sirius, my name is Sirius Black and not Harry Remus. You are Remus, and you used to be my boyfriend. Merlin’s pants! I’m sorry. I’m a mess. You’ve always been good at making a mess of me, but now you succeed at it even without touching me or describing what you want to do to me.”

Remus chuckled. “You are definitely the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen. Please, don’t have a boyfriend.” _Fuck! What if he has one, one without my lycanthropy, one with less issues?_

“I have one. It’s you – that is if you haven’t found somebody else in the last few years.” Sirius gave Remus a shy look.

“When I thought you were dead, I was literally married and divorced, but nobody could ever get me romantically attracted. Only you can.” _I must be mad, how can he accept me when I tell him in the first moment that I was married?_ He expected to see anger in Sirius’ eyes, but Sirius stayed calm, and that reassuring smile appeared on his face, that smile that could melt his fear so easily.

“Moony, it’s okay, you didn’t stay with them. I forgive you, no, actually there’s nothing that needs to be forgiven. If I had really been dead, I would have wanted you to be happy with someone. But who were they?” Sirius gave Remus a curious look and extended his hand to Remus, and Remus had to take it. It was not as callused as it used to be, but callused enough. There was a new tattoo on his lower arm. At first sight it seemed to be a vine with leaves, but upon inspecting it more closely, Remus gasped with surprise. The shape of the vines was exactly the pattern of two scars he had on his chest. Scars that Sirius had kissed so many times when they had been young.

"I kept dreaming of this shape. It was always on my mind, and I just felt that it was something very important for me," Sirius explained, when he noticed Remus' gaze.

"It's this." Remus pushed up his t-shirt.

“But now, do I know the person you were married to?” Sirius asked again.

“Your cousin Tonks. For a time, we tried to comfort each other, they had lost their girlfriend, who had lycanthropy, too and was spying on a different pack for the Order. One night we drank a lot and smoked gillyweed and the next morning, I woke up in Tonks’ bed. A short time later, they found out they were pregnant. Molly practically forced us to get married. On the other hand, had Tonks died, it would have been the only safe way for me to have custody of Teddy under those fucking laws we had back then. Thank Merlin, Kingsley did something about that. Tonks and I filed for a divorce immediately after we were released from the hospital three months after the Battle of Hogwarts. Tonks had fallen in love with a healer, and I found that I wasn’t sad at all. Also, the wolf barely tolerated Tonks by my side.”

Sirius laughed. “I remember in Grimmauld Place thinking that Tonks would be the perfect surrogate for us. I wanted to have a child with you. And if Tonks were to be the surrogate, the child would be related to me, too. I hope Teddy would like a second father?”

Remus had no words at this moment. He could only act. He leaned over and kissed Sirius. The kiss was like coming home after years of exile. Just after an extended session of snogging like teenagers, did Remus pick up the conversation. “Teddy is actually in Munich with Harry and me. He couldn’t wait to meet his Pa Pads in person. He thinks you’re the coolest because your Animagus is a dog.”

Sirius got up, pulled Remus with him and headed for the door. “I have a family! I have a boyfriend, a godson and a child? We must pick Harry and Teddy and I must introduce you people to my colleagues at Café Glück and to my flatmates.”


	8. Epilogue

It had taken them merely until the day before the full moon to be back in Lupin Cottage (a name that didn’t nearly fit the size of it anymore after the Weasleys had helped with the renovation, but was kept for the house nonetheless) with Sirius and all his belongings he wanted to keep. He had sold the rest, like his kitchen furniture to his flatmates, who had found a new tenant for his room within hours, just asking among their friends. It was Steph, a university student, who worked in one of the gay bars to finance their studies.

Sirius was going to portkey to work for the rest of the month, but they had also already found a new employee, so, that would only be necessary until the 31st.

All this time, Remus had wanted to have more time alone with Sirius, but Teddy had immediately discovered that his Pa Pads was on board for the silliest diversions and make-believe games and it had been impossible even to persuade him to sleep in Harry’s room. So, they had just had time for a few kisses, nothing more, and while Remus longed for more, he was aware that a good start between Sirius and Teddy was important. Parenting meant giving Teddy priority before his desire for sexy times, and he was glad that Sirius accepted that without questioning.

Tonks, Gülseren and Draco arrived five hours before moonrise at Lupin Cottage with a chocolate cake. “Welcome home, Sirius” was written on it in white chocolate letters.

“We postponed the big party until one week. Draco reminded the Weasleys that the full moon is tonight.” Tonks announced. 

“Thank you.” Remus sighed with relief. He loved the people the Weasley siblings would invite to a party, but around the full moon noisy occasions were a painful matter for his ears. Drinking tea with the family was hardly on the bearable side of stressful.

They had nice conversations over tea, and Remus sat back and marvelled at how his family blended together seamlessly, as Sirius discussed movies with Gülseren and Draco.

After the meal, Harry helped him, levitating the cups and plates into the kitchen. After they had finished the dishwashing charm, Sirius joined them. “Harry, you didn’t tell me you fancy my cousin. You hardly said anything but were eye fucking him throughout the meal.”

“Er, that doesn’t mean that he fancies me back. He has never been impressed by me.” Harry said in a sad tone.

“But I think he does. I know the Black heart-eyes look. I’m a Black. And he very much has Black features in Malfoy blond. How about you invite him on a date tonight?” Sirius said determinedly.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Remus needs –“

“Sirius can handle the wolf. In fact, the wolf will be so much easier to handle now that Sirius is back.” Remus interrupted him. “Thank you for being there for me over the last years, but now that Sirius is back, he is the primary Animagus to calm the wolf. It’s time for you to focus on your own life again.”

“But... wouldn’t it be safer to have two Animagi there?”

Sirius sighed. “Harry, okay, then I’ll have to tell you directly. Teddy has cockblocked us enough these last days. Don’t cockblock us, too.”

  
“So, where do you transform tonight?” Sirius asked as soon as Tonks and Teddy had disappeared through the Floo and Harry had sidealonged Draco to a nice Indian restaurant.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Remus took him by the hand and walked towards the cellar stairs.

“What? This is where you transform?” Sirius shouted. “In the cellar? Honestly, that’s barely better than a cell at the Ministry.”

“Well, technically, it’s in the cellar, but you should take a closer look before you ponder who you want to hex.” Remus winked at him.

He walked past a door three times mumbling “I need my transformation garden” each time.

Sirius gasped: “A Room of Requirement? How did you get a fucking Room of Requirement?”

Meanwhile, the door opened, and Remus ushered Sirius through. The landscape looked as if they had walked through a door in a high fence into a park. They stood on a pathway to a small gazebo with a kind of outdoor sofa in it.

“I told you that Hogwarts was very much affected by the War. The Room of Requirement was heavily damaged by fiendfyre, which killed the student who had conjured it. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco and one more boy got out of there by the skin of their teeth. It was Draco, who saved Tonks and me. He saw that we were both going to lose the fight against Bellatrix Lestrange. I had just taken down Greyback, but took a heavy curse, and Tonks was not yet up to their usual magical strength. They should not have fought only weeks after giving birth. Draco managed to cause a distraction for a few seconds and cast a wandless Illusio Mortis at us both. He said later he had learned it planning to fake his own death and get away from Malfoy Manor. Everyone thought we were dead, but we woke up just half an hour before we were supposed to be buried. We both had to stay at St. Mungo’s for a long time, but we survived.” Remus squeezed Sirius’ hand reassuringly, seeing that Sirius was mortified at the thought of the battle.

“In hospital, I was nearly bored out of my mind, and begged Minerva to lend me books on some kind of problem that might need solving. What she brought were lots of books about the Room of Requirement’s magical structure. It was necessary to bind the magic floating around and fulfilling the most useless wishes in order to work effectively and not have to interrupt work because one of the volunteers repairing the room wished his talkative neighbor’s mouth closed with extra strong spellotape or the person they fancied into their bed. The bed thing worked out for the two people it happened to, because the person suddenly being in full work attire in the other one’s bed fancied her, too, but just imagine if some creep had thought of someone in their bed.”

“The Room was able to do such things? Thank Merlin that Snivellus never had the idea of asking it for Lily.” Sirius exclaimed, disgusted.

“I don’t know if it wast warded against non-consensual situations, but upon binding the magic to a new room and making that one the new Room of Requirement, we installed strong wards against non-con. The new Room was a joint project of Filius, Minerva, Hermione, Draco, Kingsley, Tonks, Arthur, Molly, Andromeda, Augusta, Neville, Luna, Bill, Fleur, George, Cho Chang, Mr. Ollivander and me. And it was Fleur’s idea to build reduced versions of the Room for lycanthropy patients to transform in. This room is the pilot project. It has three possible functions: It can be this,” Remus gesticulated to the park, “or a storage room, or a guest bedroom. We trained a group of ex-Aurors who were too traumatized or injured by the war to still work in their former jobs to build these Rooms of Peace as we call them.”

“How many people does it take to build one Room of Peace?” Sirius inquired.

“Theoretically, two people could do it, if their magic is strong and they are well-trained, but to have stable and good teams, we have basic teams of 4 people and a few people who help out if someone falls ill.” Remus thought of the teams he had trained a year ago and smiled.

“Another thing, sorry to bring it up, but isn’t it high time to take your Wolfsbane Potion?” Sirius said in a careful tone.

“No, these days, I don’t need to drink Wolfsbane Potion, thanks to Muggle science. Every three months, my healer injects it into my arm, and it is released into my body as it is needed. No more danger of taking it too late or forgetting a dose. But now, come on. We must celebrate that finally nobody is cockblocking us.” He pulled Sirius into a heated kiss.

  
_The wolf woke up, and as soon as he opened his eyes, he found himself looking into another pair of eyes, perfect grey eyes. And he had the scent of his Mate in his nose. He let out a sound of pleasure and answered his Mate’s request to play, racing him a few rounds through the landscape, until they both cuddled up comfortably and licked each other’s furs._

_Life was beautiful now that he had his Mate back._


End file.
